First draft of my paper.
In response to the first draft of my paper, I'd say everything needs work. It is a draft after all. So far, I've gotten what I'd ideally like to say about fanfiction and oc fanfiction in general. I have my intro paragraphs and my topic sentence is fairly good. I also have a small outline on what topics I'm going to need to elaborate on. It's going to need a lot more overhaul of course. A lot more.
Posted by
Lauren
3 comments:
Lauren, here are my initial comments:
You have a very solid description of your topic. When you complete the minor insertions and such, you will have provided a very thorough definition of your topic. From here, I would such moving toward incorporating your theory.
Hey, Lauren!
*clears throat*
So...good draft! (it makes me really happy that you capitalized Internet :)
I'm not sure if the question ending your intro fits in too much with the rest of the topic...ah...I see...I like how you tied that in...I'm a bit confused by your description of OCs, mainly because of the word choices--maybe use other synonyms. But for a first read-through, it looks good. I agree with Alex in that you have a good topic description. I think that it helped me with what you were saying to have the bulleted list at the end--helped me know that you're still adding to what you have here in addition to just adding more about your theory.
So...second read-through...
I like how you're explaining everything now instead of waiting until later. For people who are not familiar with fanfic, this will help make sure now that you have explained it well, instead of leaving it for later and not doing a good job describing.
I think that this is shaping up into a really good paper, and I look forward to reading what you have once your theory is completely in there. Good luck!
Lauren, here are my in-depth comments:
-The main idea or topic is Oc fanfiction. As of right now, I am unsure of what direction you will be heading with your claims.
-As for evidence, maybe you could back of the initial semi-claim in the first paragraph. You ask if everyone wants to be an author - perhaps you could find a case where someone doesn't want to be another. This might help your statement that Oc fanfiction writers DO want recognition.
-So far, I'm not sure if you've incorporated any class lectures or readings into the document. You might be able to incorporate Barthes or Focault.
-The transition between the first three paragraphs could be improved. You ask a broad, sweeping question about the use of the internet and then jump briefly into a multimedia author definition and on to oc fanfiction. You could probably extend the definition of a multimedia author, possibly even tweaking it so that when you define an oc fanfic author, it will automatically also be considered a multimedia author. Pretty much, just keep working.
-The language about canon authors is a little confusing. Maybe I'm just dense, but a specific definition of this concept would be helpful.
-I'm pretty sure you have a pretty good idea of where you're heading based upon the sentences at the end of the essay as well as your response.
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